0 The Sheik David Caption Contest

Labour holds it's election-year congress today, largely behind closed doors. So it's only right that we celebrate the party's leader in some way.

And Newstalk ZB's Barry Soper provided just the right photograph late yesterday:

You know the rules by now. Keep 'em short, pithy, relevant and amusing, and don't get unnecessarily personal. Beyond that, you're limited only by your imagination.

Go on; you know you want to...

0 Soper on Cunliffe and fudge

Barry Soper's Soapbix editorial piece on Newstalk ZB is a nice mix of fact and satire. And he's certainly seen through David Cunliffe's fudging yesterday. Under the heading Cunliffe fudged his budget reaction Soper opines:

Politics in this country is a funny old business. If you're on one side of the fence you'll always complain about those on the other side, regardless of what they're doing or saying.
'The Dipton Drawler' Bill English could have delivered election year winners like free healthcare for all, free education - including university, free rest home care for the elderly, an increase in the minimum living wage to $20 an hour and the immediate settling of all Treaty claims and still his opponents would complain and probably claim he was being irresponsible.
As it is, he wandered into Labour's patch by spending half of the $1 billion he'd earmarked for splashing out for his sixth Budget on families. Paid parental leave is being increased by four weeks, kids under 13 will be able to go to the doctor for nothing and even registering your car's going to become more than $100 cheaper. They're just a few of the election sweeteners on offer.
Labour's bitterly complaining though. The complaint that The Tories are looking after their rich mates is a little difficult to fathom and so is their chant that it's a 'Cabinet Club annual report'. 
It's doubtful the donors to the Tories will be popping the champagne corks over this one considering the top 12 percent of wage earners are paying more than half the tax.

We agree with Soper about the "Cabinet Club" Budget. As we blogged earlier this morning, the speech that Russel Norman delivered yesterday bore little relativity to the Budget delivered by the Dipton Drawler, Bill English. There certainly wasn't much in the Budget for John Key's Rich Prick mates. It hasn't stopped a sell-out crowd from paying to hear the PM at Sky City this afternoon, even if they had to get past rent-a-mob first.

But it is David Cunliffe for whom Soper has saved his best:

'Martin Luther' Cunliffe was thumping the tub and came up with what sounded like a good line describing the offering as a 'Fudge-It Budget'. The trouble is that it's the same line used back in 2002 by Rodney 'Thick' Hide to describe 'Savage Mickey' Cullen's Budget, although Hide was a little more inventive when he said it was sickly sweet with no substance.
Clearly Cunliffe thought he could get away with it but hadn't counted on the man sitting beside the fulminating John Kiwi. Bill English was the Tory leader back then and Cullen's 'Fudge It Budget' didn't seem to do Labour any harm. They trashed National to it's biggest ever defeat.
So if that's the success of 'Fudge-It Budgets', then The Drawler will be laughing all the way to the ballot box! 

Quite so. David Cunliffe's speech yesterday was big on the theatricals, but lacking in substance. Nor was it a Phil Goff vein-popping special, or a clinical Helen Clark performance.

Instead David Cunliffe, as Soper notes, fudged his opportunity, recycling his description of the Budget in the same way that Labour is recycling the policies that were strongly rejected in 2011. Perhaps Mr Cunliffe needs to give up on the recycled fudge, and go and get some honey from his Herne Bay beehive, because on the basis of yesterday's performance, that's the only beehive in his immediate future.

0 Soper on the Kermits and Luigi...

Barry Soper's columns on the Newstalk ZB website are usually pretty irreverent, even if the hide a more serious message. And his effort yesterday was not particularly flattering to Parliament's third and fourth most populous parties, or in one case, the cult of personality behind one of them; Soper opines:

On the face of it, it does sound a bit dodgy. Politicians soliciting cash for access, or in the Tory's case it's the Cabinet Club where at fund raising knees ups they get dosh from the punters who want to get into a Minister's ear.
It's got The Kermits croaking. They reckon it reeks of punters paying for favours, buying political friends and influencing their decisions.
But before jumping off their lily pads they'd do well to reflect on how the business of politics stays afloat.
In effect they're talking about donations, The Tories have their election war chest topped up by corporate donations, the unions kick in for Labour and even The Greens admits to getting money from like minded, sandal wearing, celery munchers.
How they go about getting the money varies but if donations are a dirty word, what's the alternative? The answer's obvious, the taxpayer would once again have to dig even deeper into their pockets, which is what they do already in the run up to the election as the advertising dosh is doled out.
Perhaps this is a case of the politics of envy from The Kermits, given they more than the others find it difficult to find cash flush followers.

Soper is dead right; this is all about the Left's push for taxpayer funding of political parties. The Greens initially, but Labour as well now that the money has stopped flowing seem to resent the fact that New Zealanders can vote with their wallets, and donate legally and openly to the political party of their choice.

The Left believes that the solution is taxpayer funding, and quite by coincidence, there are similar pushes going on in Australia and the UK from the Left. Quite frankly, we are totally opposed to our taxes being spent on funding any political parties, beyond their MPs' direct costs in Parliament and within electorates.

Barry Soper then turns his attention to his old sparring mate:

But cash is at the heart of a constitutional change being considered by the political Godfather Luigi Peters. He more than other political leaders knows what it's like to get coattail politicians into Parliament, only to see them skiving off after a fallout with The Don.
So he's planning to do something about, forcing a defecting MP to bugger off within three days of getting the boot or face a fine of, wait for it, three hundred thousand bucks, the equivalent or a couple of years wages for them.
It would of course make The Don all powerful. If he has a falling out with one of his hangers on he'd be able to effectively give them the boot. It'd mean the likes of the brazen Brendon Horan would no longer be picking up his Parliamentary pay and perks, and Luigi must know there'd be a lot who'd find favour with that.
And besides, the colossal cash penalty if a bad smell MP decides to stick around wouldn't do the party's coffers any harm.
Forget the Cabinet Club, this has the potential to become tetchy Don's cash cow! 

The thought of Winston "Luigi" Peters as Parliament's Godfather is an interesting one, on many levels. Given Peters' link to the racing industry, a certain scene from the original Godfather movie springs to mind, but we should probably park that for now.

But something went wrong when Peters tried to equip Brendan Horan with political "concrete galoshes", and the Winston First leader seems intent on making sure there is no repeat. 

Of course, the New Zealand public could do him a huge favour and spare him from future blushes due to his unenforceable contract by simply making him an offer he can't refuse on September 20, and, as happens with horses, putting him out to pasture.

0 A bouquet for the PM

John Key has been praised for his response to the Maurice Williamson affair. Andrea Vance at Stuff opines:

Neatly done prime minister.
The handling of Maurice Williamson's cloddish attempts to intervene in a police investigation was textbook.
Key axed his statistics minister with ruthless efficiency.
As he admitted this morning, he had little choice. Williamson had crossed the line where careers can be saved.
After Judith Collins' questionable dalliances with Chinese company Oravida, National could not afford another whiff of cronyism.
Even the best spin doctors would struggle to contain a scandal that involves a long-serving minister, domestic violence and a wealthy donor.

John Key has since told media that he first became aware of the issue on Tuesday. There was obviously a flurry of activity yesterday, and there was a lag of only three hours this morning between the story breaking and the PM accepting Maurice Williamson's resignation as a Minister.

On the other hand, David Cunliffe has received nothing but scorn for his response to the resignation announcement. A number of journalists ripped into the Labour leader via social media for his answers by rote at the media conference he himself called on the issue, whilst Barry Soper mocked Cunliffe relentlessly when he was on with Larry Williams on Newstalk ZB. And as we type this, Seven Sharp is taking the piss out of Mr Cunliffe.

Here's but one example of the social media comment:

The general feeling is that David Cunliffe has had some media training, and that his automaton-like responses today when HE had called the media to gather for his words of wisdom was proof that the training had worked. But not necessarily in the desired manner.