0 The fresh guard of Riften

You know, Skyrim is, at least by my humble opinion responsible for 1 breakup every few days. Its one of those things you know - the ones you store non-perishable food, divorce your wife, put your kids and pets for adoption for. So anyway, instead of arguing about it, me and my girlfriend, decided to do something about it.(she was with the camera)

The Fresh Guard of Riften


Now, this is a story all about how
My life got flipped-turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute
Just sit right there
I'll tell you how I became the guard of a town called Riften
In west Tamriel born and raised
On the archery range was where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool
And all shootin some x-bows outside of the inn
When a couple of elves
Who were up to no good
Startin making trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my mom got scared
And said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Riften'
I begged and pleaded with her day after day
But she packed my armor and send me on my way
She gave me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket.
I put my helm on and said, 'I might as well kick it'.
First trip, yo this is bad
The cold is freezing my gonads.
Is this what the people of Riften Living like?
Hmmmmm this can't be alright.
But wait I hear there're tricky, thieves and all that
Is this the type of place that they should send this cool cat?
I don't think so
I'll see when I get there
I hope they're prepared for the hero of Riften
Well, I crossed the border and when I looked around
There was an  elf who looked like a cop standing there with his bow out
I ain't trying to get shot yet but too late
 Alas, he got my knee here
and sprang with the quickness like lightning - disappeared
I whistled for a wagon and when it came near
The license plate said fresh and it had arrows in the rear
If anything I can say that this wagon was rare
But I thought 'Nah forget it' - 'Yo homes to Riften'
I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8
And I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo homes smell ya later'
I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there
To sit on my throne as the Guard of Riften

0 The cave spider

I saw several of these in the shop where I buy my supplies and I could not resist making one myself.
For those who don't play Minecraft - the cave spiders are a nasty variety of the normal ones, that can only be found in abandoned mineshafts deep underground. They can kill a player very quickly thanks to their venom.

Ok so MAAAAYBE it does not have glowing red eyes really, but I'll see what I can do about it - and yes I know cave spiders are not greenish, but I could not find blue-tinted ahem...body parts, nor black for that matter. Maybe I will have more luck next time.

0 A fit of RAGE

Ye verily I am enRAGEd ladies and gentlemen, very enRAGEd indeed. I don't think I have the words to describe the RAGE within me. The reason of course is, that I fell for Carmack's ruse and tried this game. Its been a while since I had to force myself to soldier on to the finish. Because RAGE...well, RAGE lacks it. It has several strokes of genius that put a smile of my face and ten tons of mediocre content which did not. The technical issues practically made it impossible to play for more than 1-2 hours at best before my eyes were VERY tired. Texture popping everywhere. I don't care how pretty it is if  90% of people can't enjoy it but its the first thing that greeted me and was my companion throughout the game along with an increasing amount of RAGE. Combat is good though. I liked it, fast paced, multiple weapon choices and options, hero carries a wardrobe of guns like in the good ole days. The story, the world, the characters, the player options and so on, I give the honoured rating of "Fallout for babies". Enough said. No open world - RAGE is a corridor shooter, no dialogue options, no choices, no names, no nothing. In fact, I think it would have been better if they'd stuck with classic shooter only. The attempt to delve in the other genres has failed so bad, that RAGE is pretty much a tech demo for id's new engine, but not much else. Its also absurdly short for its size. You can zip right through in half a day of casual play. The ending is also completely unsatisfying and way too easy. I ordered an awesome boss battle and all I got was a quick fire fight which was made effortless by the last gun you get(No spoilers here. Let's say the combined two all time favourites in one)

A glimmer of hope however, is the above mentioned fact that combat feels good. That means Multi-player might wipe off the shame but I would not guarantee it.
 
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