Posted by Blogger Name. Category:
Dead duck
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Herne Bay
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Humour
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Labour Party
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Paul Little
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Quote of the Day
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Trevor Mallard
Trevor Mallard has certainly provided newspaper columnists and satirists with no shortage of material over the last few days. And Paul Little from the Herald on Sunday hasn't needed asking twice; under the headline Moa fantasy a dead duck (any idea where that might be going?!) Little opines:
In a speech that could be described as wide-ranging but would perhaps better be described as rambling, a senior member of the New Zealand Parliament advocated bringing the extinct moa back to life as a tourist attraction for the Rimutaka National Park.
Before we dismiss Trevor Mallard's suggestion out of hand - and we'll be doing that shortly - we should note that it raises an interesting question: was he tripping?
Let's assume not.
In fact, the science of de-extinction, as it's ungracefully called, is well advanced.
In 2003, scientists used stored cells from a specimen of the extinct bucardo or Pyrenean ibex to create a clone, although it survived only a few minutes, or slightly longer than the average lifespan of a leader of the Labour Party.
It's hard to understand the current mania for bringing back things that disappeared for very good reasons, a trend I date from the re-introduction of the Georgie Pie.
Once people accepted that, the door was wide open.
Although he admitted the scheme was "a bit Jurassic Park" - which it is, in the same way that terrorist group ISIS is a bit extreme - Mallard maintained it would perk up folk around Wainuiomata no end.
Attempting to head off his critics at the pass, he pointed out that people once laughed at those who said the kiwi would return to Wainuiomata.
They also laughed at those who believe jet vapour trails are poisoning us and many other funny people.
To be clear, Mallard is not talking about the biggest of the moa - max height 3.6m - beloved of children's picture books.
Why, that would be silly.
He has in mind something more bijou, with that elusive maximum cute factor. He wants something "that I could pat on the head".
He must be missing John Banks.
If Mallard thinks the moa will stand still to have its head patted, he doesn't know much about birds in general.
And of course, he says that now, but you know how these things work. Pretty soon the handbag-sized birds just aren't providing the same kick and you start wanting something a bit stronger. Before you know it, you're bringing velociraptors back to life and there are flocks of pterodactyls blotting out the sun and endangering low-flying aircraft.
Reviving the moa would be a step backwards in every sense. I've long said that everyone owes a great debt to Maori for hunting the moa to extinction.
Imagine what life would be like if they hadn't. The birds would be protected, for a start, able to roam with impunity wherever they felt like it, crashing through suburban vegetable gardens, getting tangled up in people's washing and tipping over prams.
Moa swallowed rocks to aid digestion, so within a matter of weeks the ubiquitous pebble gardens of Grey Lynn and Ponsonby would be transformed into a wasteland.
Oh no; not the gardens of Ponsonby and Grey Lynn. That would be an unmitigated disaster, especially if moa also became entrenched amongst the mid-range do-ups in Herne Bay. Imagine the angst if one got away amongst the chickens, cats and bees in Marine Parade!
Paul Little is dead right. Trevor Mallard's plan is indeed a dead duck, which with a tight electorate contest beckoning in just over two months could become a self-fulfilling prophesy for the Hutt South MP.
