0 Another busy month

It has been another busy month at Keeping Stock HQ. Numbers-wise, it wasn't quite an outright record month, but we had the most traffic we've ever had in a 30-day month. Here's our most recent metrics, via Statcounter:

And Ken Perrett from Open Parachute has been busy all morning uploading Sitemeter and Statcounter data for the 300-plus blogs he ranks. Here are the June 2014 Open Parachute rankings:

It's pleasing to still be ranked inside Open Parachute's Top 10 New Zealand blogs. It makes the effort we put into blogging (which often comes at the expense of other, more productive things we could be doing) worthwhile.

As the General Election draws nearer, politics will be our primary, but not our exclusive focus. James Stephenson emerged from hibernation this morning to blog, and we're hoping Nookin will make regular contributions so you don't just have to endure our thoughts. And Curly Sue has promised to keep her creative juices flowing, even though she's been a bit quiet of late!

A blog would be a lonely place if no one visited or commented, so thanks to those of you who take the time to do just that. You encourage us to keep going on days when we could easily flag it.

0 The return of Curly Sue

Curly Sue e-mailed a while back to tell us she had some commitments which would render her unavailable for a few weeks. But she e-mailed again this morning, and obviously she has discharged those commitments.

Readers of a similar vintage to us will possibly remember Peter Frampton, one of the music heart-throbs of the 1970's. His album Frampton Comes Alive was one of the decade's biggest sellers. And it is from that album that Curly Sue has drawn inspiration today.

But first, check this out, to get the tune into your head:

So here's Curly Sue's take on the song, based around someone in the news at the moment whose name rhymes with Do:

"Do You Remember Liu?"

Well, woke up this morning with a letter in my hand.
Shock, fright, can’t be right, What the hell did I write?
I’m in a bad way, what did I say the other day?

Come on, let’s blame Key again!

Do you...you, Remember Liu?
Not sure I do
Do you...you, Remember Liu?

Look’s like I’m busted, Who else can I blame?
(My) Ego says,"Don't walk, don't walk, don't walk away."
Document retention, blame my staff, ‘play the man’.
No way it’s my fault, like a Teflon pan.

Do you...you, Remember Liu?
Got no clue
Do you...you, Remember Liu?

[1st guitar solo]

Do you...you, Remember Liu?
I’m in the poo
Do you...you, Remember Liu?

Campaign is toast now, even Clark took Liu’s cash. Cash for access, tall tales, now epic fails

This is all a bad dream, the polls are obscene

Hang on..... is Jones at it again?

Do you...you, Remember Liu?
My Trust's legit. too
Do you...you, Remember Liu?

[keyboard solo]
[2nd guitar solo]
[funky piece with mouth ‘talk box’ instrument ensues]

Oh baby Donghua Liu
Oh baby Donghua Liu, what can I do?

Yes I do, Yes I do,
know Donghua Liu

And I did deny Liu

Labour’s plight, any story you'd like,
This is not, a good time.
Campaign’s dead, say good night.
Good night, good night, good night, good night, good night

[3rd guitar solo]

This is more great stuff from our Curly friend Sue. We hope her work commitments don't get in the way too much more between now and September 20th!

0 The GIMPs revisited - by Curly Sue

Our resident song-rewriter Curly Sue has been at it again, reaching back into the mid-1970's to reprise an Elton John classic. Here's a very early version or the real McCoy by a rather follically-challenged Reggie Dwight:

Curly Sue saw our post yesterday about the GIMPs (Green, Internet, Mana, Peters), and the creative juices must have flowed almost immediately, because this arrive by e-mail late yesterday afternoon:

Davy and the GIMPs

Hey kids, you all can vote together
The spotlight's hitting Dotcom
His girth is known to change the weather
We’ll write off student loans tonight
So stick around
We’re gonna dust off Laila
The lolly scramble will astound

Say, young apathetics, have you seen them yet?
But they're so hot right now, D-D-D-Davey and the GIMPs
Oh but their line up is wonderful
Oh Davey he's really keen
They got goose step boots and Winston too
And they’re gonna dig up Alamein!

D-D-D-Davey and the GIMPs

Hey kids, plug in the “inter-web-thing”
They hope you’ll be blinded
And Davy makes them tricky
Rort MMP, and hope the youth come along
But left wingers doing it all for money

Is nothing but wrong

Say, young apathetics, have you seen them yet?
But they're so hot right now, D-D-D-Davey and the GIMPs
Oh how will they co-operate?
Oh the train wreck will be out of sight!
They got some union fruits and they’re cashed up too
Unfreeze Anderton from Carbonite!

D-D-D-Davey and the GIMPs

Say, young apathetics, have you seen them yet?
But they're so hot right now, D-D-D-Davey and the GIMPs
Oh but their line up is wonderful
Oh Davey he's really keen
Oh It does not compute; who’ll be the next recruits?

Corkery’s undies must not be seen!

D-D-D-Davey and the GIMPs

This isn't the easiest song in the world to mash, but we reckon Curly Sue has done a masterful job here. She and we hope you like it. If it helps the GIMP label to stick on Labour's potential coalition partners, who are we to complain? 

0 Curly Sue's take on Laila

There was another e-mail in our inbox this morning. And whether it's set to the guitar-driven original version of the Eric Clapton classic, or the cruisey, bluesy unplugged version that rebooted Clapton's career the words are the same. Check this out:

Laila (with apologies to Layla)

Why are you back? Did you get lonely?
Is Big Kim’s cheque book at your side?
He’s been running and hiding much too long.
But he’s taking you for a ride.

Laila, it’s great you’ll take votes from the Greens.
Laila, the unions can’t be pleased
Laila, sorry, but Kim’s moolah’s made you blind

It won’t be any consolation
When the fat man lets you down.
You’ve been fooled, he’s played a trick you,
Like some obese circus clown

Laila, can’t you see the sleaze?
Laila, he hasn’t paid his employees.
Laila, avoiding extradition’s on his mind

It’s a very tricky situation
But that fits in well with the left.
We will say, that you have just been played

And tell you this will be in vain.

Laila, his ego to appease
Laila, smells like he cut the cheese
Laila, you’re going from respected to maligned

Laila, Internet Party puh-leez
Laila, we wonder about the Greens
Laila, did he pay Russel off in cash or kind??

The jury's very much out on whether or not Laila Harre will get the same kind of second career that Eric Clapton got after that epic MTV Unplugged concert. 

Given that the Internet Party has selected a hard-Left former MP and trade unionist as its leader, we suspect that Ms Harre's time in the limelight is going to be brief and unspectacular, and she will indeed be unplugged pretty quickly.

0 Curly Sue's nod to the Crochet Club

Curly Sue must have read our post yesterday; the one where we nicknamed the Green Party's secret fundraising session at its upcoming conference "the Crochet Club".

We know that, because this was e-mailed to us last night:

"Craft Auction" 

by the Crochet Club

We’re the party of principles all the way

When it comes to Tory funds we all say
Cabinet Club requires restriction
But as for us you cannot know
How we raise our contributions
Mo’ money yo
Mo’ money yo

Come-a Come-a Come-a Come-a Come-a (to our) Craft Auction
The money flows
The money flows
Metiria’s blanket for ten grand is not extreme

All done unseen

All done unseen

We demand transparency every day
But “another rule for us” is how we play

Hippy-crisy is an addiction
Our donors’ accounts are strong
And its all invitation only
Our way’s not wrong
Our way’s not wrong

Come-a Come-a Come-a Come-a Come-a (to our) Craft Auction
The money flows
The money flows
Metiria’s blanket for ten grand is not extreme

All done unseen

All done unseen

Money go rounds for survival
OK for us not our rivals
Money go rounds for survival
OK for us not our rivals

Hippy crisy is an addiction
Our donors’ accounts are strong
And its all invitation only
What is that pong?

What is that pong?

Come-a Come-a Come-a Come-a Come-a (to our) Craft Auction
Mo’ money flows
Mo’ money flows
Metiria’s blanket for ten grand is not extreme

All done unseen

All done unseen

Readers who experienced the 1980's will of course remember Boy George and his band Culture Club. Although Boy George would probably feel more at home in the Labour caucus, his song provides a perfect platform from which to lampoon the Greens. Here's the original:

We thank Curly Sue for this latest gem; keep 'em coming!

0 Curly Sue's "High Horse" special

One of the more esoteric songs to come out of the 1970's was America's hit A Horse with no Name. Go online, and you'll find all sorts of explanations for the meaning of the song, from a journey for self-discovery to tripping on heroin. Have a listen, and make your own call:

We've concluded that Curly Sue is a child of that era as well. That's because we've received this re-write of A Horse with no Name in the wake of yesterday's Question Time, where John Key came up with one of the sledges of the year with regard to Russel Norman and high horses.

So here's Curly Sue's contribution, for your entertainment and edification:

My High Horse Has Gone Lame

For the first part of session
I was upbeat and full of zing
Attacking funds and conflicts and Key and things
Couldn’t wait for the bell to ring
The first thing I said was a sound bite with buzz
John Campbell would be proud
Debate was hot and my mouth was dry
And the air was full of sound

I’m the Green Party leader, my high horse has gone lame
Arguments have failed again
When a vote comes along I can always abstain
Cause there ain't no point making positions plain
Oh la, la etc

After one hour in the debating chamber
My hair began to turn more red
After more hours we let the debate run
I was wishing for my bed
And the story was told as our bullshit flowed
Made me sad our argument’s dead

I’m the Green Party leader, my high horse has gone lame
Arguments have failed again
When a vote comes I can always abstain
Cause there ain't no point making positions plain
Oh la, la etc

Learning Kim’s ways, that no one rides for free
And John Key shooting me down
My rants and pointing of the finger

Make me look like the party’s Clown

Green policy’s a desert with the truth underground
And a perfect disguise above
Under the surface lies a communist hound
Rich pricks will get no love

You see I’m the Green Party leader, my high horse has gone lame
Arguments have failed again
When a vote comes I can always abstain
Cause there ain't no point making positions plain
Oh la, la etc

Curly Sue is turning out to be quite a prolific song rearranger. Is it time to escalate these little ditties to the next level, and hand them over to a more competent musician that ourselves to get them recorded and on YouTube? Hmm; that's food for thought...

0 Song of the Day - 24 April 2014

We may be in a different land, but Curly Sue has been in touch again. And that can only mean one thing; the mickey being extracted.

If you were a child of the 1970's you'll remember English band Supertramp. With much pleasure, we present to you Curly Sue's slight re-arrangement of Goodbye Stranger:

"Goodbye Labour"

(Shane Jones bids "Haere ra" to his party)

It was an early morning Easter day
I was up before the dawn
And I’m not so sure I enjoyed my stay
But I must be moving on

I consulted with my whanau
and I got straight on the phone
Said “I've had my fill of Labour
And I must be moving on” (yeah, yeah)

Now I don’t believe what Cunliffe says
Is the undisputed truth
And I want to be in Pacific trade
While I still got my youth

I don’t need political rancour
And media scrutiny is a pain
Just the thought of Hotel TVs
Sends a shiver through my veins

And I will redefine ‘Shane’
‘Shane’ will be brand new
I'll never look behind me
And my troubles will be few

Goodbye Labour it's been nice
Hope my leaving wont paralyse
Tried to see your point of view
McCully made my dreams come true
Goodbye Trevor, Goodbye Dave
Will we ever meet again?
I feel no sorrow, I feel no shame
Come election, you’ll feel pain

Party devotion is not for me

Backbench demotion has set me free

Islands in ocean, far away

Is the life I’ve chosen every day

So goodbye Trevor, Goodbye Dave

Will we ever meet again?

Will Labour win? I think they won’t
Another poll just fell
And silent T doesn’t get the throne
I guess it's just as well

Calling out Countdown’s behaviour
Was really good for me
Say National’s my saviour
 Well its better than the Greens

And I will redefine ‘Shane’
‘Shane’ will be brand new
I'll never look behind me
And my troubles will be few

Goodbye Labour it's been nice
Hope my leaving wont paralyse
Tried to see your point of view
McCully made my dreams come true
Bye Jacinda, Goodbye Clare
Gee your cupboard’s looking bare
I feel no sorrow, I feel no shame
Come election, you’ll feel pain

Now I’m leaving, got go, hit the road

I say it once again

As I’m leaving

Not sorry I’m not stayin

Bye Jacinda, Goodbye Clare

I’m leaving, I’ve got to get away

For those of you unfamiliar with the tune but who want to sing along with Shane's little waiata, here's the original:

We thank Curly Sue warmly for this little ditty. It will be in our mind as we holiday today!