0 The Civilian's take on the Internet Party

Ben from the Civilian has been pretty quiet in the last few months as he prepares to launch his political party. But he must see the Internet Party as a threat to his slice of the satire market; he blogged this yesterday:

Following this afternoon’s revelation that former Alliance MP and Cabinet minister Laila Harré will be the leader of the newly-formed Internet Party, chief executive Vikram Kumar offered a public warning that – while many may be excited about the possibility – she would not be “quite how you remember her.”
“Obviously, at this time, everybody is very eager to see Laila at the head of our party, and so are we,” wrote Kumar in a statement issued to media late this afternoon. “But it is important that, prior to tomorrow’s announcement, we warn New Zealanders that Ms. Harré will not look exactly how you remember her.
“This is not to say that Laila is any different. Indeed, she is still the same principled, vivacious politician that we all know and respect. But it has been a long time since she was a minister in 2002, and she has put on a few extra kilos.
“Additionally, she is now German.”

Heh; we like the way that this is going, so let's read on some more:

A promotional video for the Internet Party featuring Harré has been leaked to Whale Oil’s Cameron Slater, who remains uncertain why people keep sending him things.
The video features Harré walking down a long corridor in Kim Dotcom’s Coatesville mansion, smiling as she approaches the camera.
“Hello kiwis,” she says in a thick German accent. “It’s me: Laila O’Hare. Kia piki te ora, and welcome to the Internet Party.
“Waea atu ki te Pirihimana. I am thrilled to have the opportunity to talk to you today and announce that I will be the leader of this brand new political movement that New Zealand really needs.
“Together, I believe that we can create a strong and modern digital economy, expand the country’s internet connectivity, and put me, Leela O’Harry, in Parliament once again.
“Kī tōnu taku waka topaki i te tuna. I hope that you will join me.”
At one point during the video, Harré’s grey hair appears to fall from her head, whereupon she catches it and puts it back.
Asked about this part of the video, Kumar explained that Harré had been having “trouble with hair loss recently,” and suggested that it would be “insensitive” to question her further about it.
Today’s development comes just one week after Kumar himself developed a German accent and abruptly became white.

This is brilliant stuff from The Civilian. It reinforces the fact that, just as NZ First is a cult to Winston Peters' personality, so the Internet Party is all about Kim Dotcom.

Quite how a trade unionist and hard-Left activist fits alongside a wealthy convicted criminal who is alleged to treat both his staff and his creditors in an appalling manner is anyone's guess. But it provides fertile ground for cutting satire, and The Civilian has delivered.

0 Quote of the Day - 3 May 2014

We hadn't really noticed James Griffin's work before, because we seldom see a paper version of the Weekend Herald. But this piece had us chuckling:

Sue Moroney, Chief Whip of the opposition Labour Party, the party most famous for opposing itself, entered the office of David Cunliffe, the First Among All the Davids and Leader of the Opposition. She found him, as she had often found him in recent times, slumped over his desk, his head in his hands.
"Tell me the good news, Sue," he said.
"There is no good news, David. Though I suspect we are entering the phase now where even mildly bad news could be called 'good' news."
"So the news is only mildly bad, then?"
"No. No, I'm afraid the news isn't even close to mildly bad, unless your definition of 'mildly bad' is the same as your definition of 'terrible'. The Shane situation has, as we feared, spiralled wildly out of control. We are losing MPs even faster than we are shedding points in the polls."
David Cunliffe whimpered, a sound no grown man should ever make. Sue's heart went out to him, even though, strictly speaking, as Chief Whip, she wasn't meant to have a heart.

"It's my fault, boss," she said. "The writing was on the wall with Shane, and it was my job to know what it meant. And maybe if I'd acted sooner I could have stopped the exodus."
"No, don't be so harsh on yourself, Sue, no one could have seen coming what Shane did."
"No, seriously, after he lost the leadership battle Shane wrote '%#&<\@> yous, I'm out of here' in really big letters, on the wall of his office. We all thought it was his idea of a joke. Did you never see it, in Shane's office? Really big letters, hard to miss."
"I never go into Shane's office. I'm too scared of what he might be doing when I walk in. Okay, give me the gory details, who have we lost today?"
"Well, Jacinda has resigned to become a spokes-model for Colgate; Cosgrove's landed a gig managing the Countdown in Rangiora; David P muttered something about there being too many Davids and not enough Goliaths and tramped off into the bush; Grant Robertson has accepted a job as a tolerance counsellor at the NZCTU; and Annette has decided going back to being a dental nurse is better that being Labour Spokesperson for Health."
"The best and the brightest, gone," David sighed mournfully.
"Oh yeah, and Trevor Mallard's buggered off too - no idea where."

There's more, but in fairness both to the Herald and to Mr Griffin himself, you should follow the link above and read it all yourself at source.

But we commend James Griffin on an excellent piece of satire, at David Cunliffe's expense. It IS satire, isn't it?

0 Super stuff from Imperator Fish

Scott from Imperator Fish has, in the past, been a Labour Party activist. We don't know if he still is, or for that matter, whether Labour still has ANY activists. But that's another matter altogether.

But Scott has published a statement from David Cunliffe this morning which suggests he still has a hotline to the War Room. It begins thus:

I got into politics because I wanted to make a difference. That’s why I’ve been talking to hardworking Kiwis all around the country, listening to what they have to say. The message I’m hearing again and again is that John Key’s government just isn’t listening. Our Prime Minister is totally out of touch.
If there’s one issue that comes up time and time again, it’s the state of our transport infrastructure. Kiwis have had a gutsful of being stuck in traffic. A Labour government will invest heavily in public transport, but we also won’t be afraid to make bold changes to our road rules.
Motorists tell us they’re fed up with being stuck behind heavy trucks who show no consideration for others on the road. That’s why we’re announcing that under a Labour government trucks won’t be allowed to travel in the fast lanes of three and four lane highways. Our policy will keep traffic moving, and reduce congestion on the roads.
But we’re not stopping there. People also tell us that they can’t stand it when they’re merging in traffic, and when some clown in a souped-up car tries to push ahead of everyone else. We’ll make sure everyone merging in traffic follows the rules.
I’ve been travelling up and down this country talking to people, and I hear a lot of complaints. People are fed up. People have had enough. They’re at their wits’ end. They want to know why it is that when their neighbour’s car alarm goes off at three in the morning for the fourth night in a row, the police lack the power to confiscate the vehicle. We’ll fix that.
It simply isn’t good enough for this government to throw up its hands and say “not our problem” every time you go to open a tin of baked beans, only to find that the tin opener fails to cut the last bit, and then you have to get a spoon or a knife to twist the lid up, and then you have to wiggle the lid until it breaks off.
It’s not good enough for John Key and his rich mates to say “we’re not responsible” when you buy a carton of Anchor vanilla custard from the supermarket, take it home, and then open the carton at the top to pour the contents out, only to find that the custard is too thick to come out. Where’s the support for hardworking Kiwis forced to use a pair of scissors to cut the top of the carton off? Who’s looking after ordinary mums and dads forced to scoop the custard out with a spoon?

There's more, but we don't want to steal all Scott's creative content. We're sure he'd rather that you followed the link above, so as to boost his blog traffic.

We reckon that good satire occurs when you can't quite tell whether the writer is being serious or taking the proverbial. Given some of the statements that have come from David Cunliffe's lips in recent months, we reckon that this piece from Imperator Fish is very, very good satire indeed!